You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
