when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
