Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
