Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
