I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize