Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
