I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize