She said her name was "party"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All I want is dick and wine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
