Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
