It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i dont even know how to be here
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
