I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
