Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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