Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
