Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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