I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
