On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
