P.S. I can't hear my feet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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