do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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