There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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