Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
