Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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