My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
