from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
