Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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