I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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