I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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