fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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