I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
