I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
