When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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