Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
