I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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