Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
