literally had 100 drinks last night.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize