P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
