ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
