he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
