i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
