are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
