i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
