I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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