Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
