And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
