Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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