I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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