there was a trapeze. enough said
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
