Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
