Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
