I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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