I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
