I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
