Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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