Cold hands, warm shart.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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