why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
