my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
