she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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