Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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