My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
