He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
