Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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