I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
