I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize