I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
