just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
