I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
