she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
