I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
