what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
