I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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