not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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