haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
