Having a random hookup so left but love u
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
