Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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